I originally posted this advice as a twitter thread in August 2019. A lot has changed since then, but much of the advice should still be accurate. (I’ve made a few updates and elaborations, mostly in brackets.) The prompt to which I was responding was specifically on networking advice, so this advice is mostly geared toward that topic. The idea of “networking” can turn some folks off, but as someone who has pretty bad social anxiety and feels extremely awkward in most social settings, this is the advice I wish I had much earlier for just navigating the (sometimes really crowded) social spaces at conferences. Most importantly, this advice explains some of the unspoken etiquette about navigating the professional social spaces (from panels to receptions) in conferences.
- It’s going to be awkward. Introduce yourself anyway. Keep it short and sweet. Connecting with someone can take time and sometimes starts with seeing each other in the audience at the same talks or seeing each other at several conferences over the years and saying hi.
- Take advantage of your friends’ networks. Lots of folks plan dinners at confs. Join them. You’ll meet a lot of people that way. My friends always had more friends than I did, but I got to share some of their friends over time. [I call this the barrel of monkeys strategy: basically, grab a friend, they grab another, and so on, until you end up with a pretty sizable group that goes out for dinner somewhere; some of those people you didn’t know before become your friends.]
- Some people are assholes. [This is not limited to conferences, but it shows up a lot at conferences.] If someone’s a dick to you, know that it’s them and not you. You are allowed to feel shitty when that happens—as long as you realize they’re the asshole. [Okay, sometimes it’s not intentional, but that usually doesn’t make the feeling that goes with a perceived slight any better.]
- Unspoken rule at receptions: when someone leaves to get a drink/food or join another conversation, don’t follow them. That’s the kind way of leaving. The goal of these things is (a) to maximize the number of people you meet/talk with or (b) hang out with your friends. [It’s kind of a bummer when you really want to catch up with an old friend, but someone won’t leave you alone to have that much-needed conversation. At the same time, receptions are the time for junior scholars to get their two- or maybe five-minutes of face time with a senior scholar, so it’s good for established scholars to make room for junior scholars to have that time. It’s a balance or a tradeoff—junior scholars: once you get your two or five minutes, move on and let the senior scholar talk with their friends; senior scholars: give the junior scholar their two or five minutes.]
- It’s totally fine to join someone else’s conversation, but you also have to let them depart after a while. Maybe they invite you along, maybe they don’t. Don’t follow if not invited.
- If someone joins your friend group, don’t be a dick; let them in. Ask about their research, their conference experience, etc. Find commonalities. Spend at least 5 min before graceful exit.
- If you do know someone already, safety in numbers. Do the reception circuit together so you don’t have to stand awkwardly alone feeling like an idiot. Also, arrive >30 min after the reception starts.
Ashley T. Rubin 